Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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