What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
