it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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