why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
