well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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