Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
