You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
