question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
