idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
