Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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