my phone needs a breathalizer
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
