i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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