We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
