This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
