Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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