It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
