I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
