I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize