glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
