Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Randomize