i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
