did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
