i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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