so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
