She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
