In the future we'll all be gay
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
