ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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