I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
