you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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