I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
