I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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