I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize