so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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