There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
