Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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