Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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