Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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