My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
