it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
