Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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