I wannas sexs uuuuu
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
