Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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