GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
