That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Randomize
