my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
