how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
