Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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