just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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