In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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