I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
