u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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