I will die if light touches me.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
