Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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