I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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