first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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