This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
