No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize