I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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