Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
