p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
