Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
