Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
