i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
