hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
