OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
