You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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